builtofsorrow: (dw | jack | oh captain my captain)
[personal profile] builtofsorrow
title: This Ship Could Be a Little More Sonic
rating: PG
word count: ~1,700
character(s)/pairing(s): Janice Rand, Jim Kirk, Leonard McCoy, Gaila, & a bit of Scotty. Implied/Assumed Kirk/McCoy.
summary: Kirk has the Greatest Costume Idea Ever for Halloween. Small details like convincing Bones of this aren't going to get in his way. (Maybe.)
author’s notes: I wish I had an excuse for this especially the last section Idon'tevenknow. I did eat some chocolate earlier? Can I plead insanity by homework? Suffice to say: this is rather cracky. Except for the part where James T. Kirk is totally a Whovian, with the action figures & sonic screwdriver to prove it. That's just a fact.


Janice Rand figures out quite quickly that few good things can ever come of the Captain spending several minutes snickering to himself over a PADD. Questions posed to her after such an event are definitely never good, and the best she can do in such cases is to preempt him as much as she can.

Presently, in spite of the fact that she's fairly immersed in her work, she's completely aware that he's stopped snickering for the time being. Not to mention that his gaze, focused on her, is far too intense for her to not be aware of it. Preemption it is then.

'Did you need something?' she asks, not looking up from the comm she's in the process of skimming so she can figure out how to rank it in importance.

'Welllll,' Kirk says, dragging out the word needlessly. 'I was wondering if you could help me out with acquiring some costumes. Mainly one. For Bones.'

'Please don't take this as a sign that I'm asking, but even wondering why you need any costumes whatsoever, not to mention acquiring them for you, is so far out of my job description that I can't even think of a proper metaphor to describe it. But I'm sure it would involve a different galaxy.' Janice pauses a moment to categorize the comm under Things that Will Possibly Cost Me My Sanity before she tactfully adds on, 'Sir.'

Kirk snickers again. 'Calm down, Yeoman, it's for Halloween. But good to know where your mind is.'

'I'm ignoring that comment. Mostly because Halloween is what? Five months away?'

'Well yeah, but this is the greatest costume idea EVER, and it requires some unusual things. Also, if I get them now, Bones can't say no when I tell him what he's going as.'

Janice looks up from her PADD and at Kirk, finally, laughing incredulously. 'You think you're going to tell Doctor McCoy what he's going to be for Halloween?'

'I have my ways,' Jim says, grinning. 'I just can't seem to find the jacket I need for him, and I thought, you know who's brilliant? You know who can always find me exactly what I need whether or not I even know I need it?'

'Flattery doesn't bring this into my job description.'

'Does it bring it into the galaxy?'


'What about the galaxy of Favors You'll Do For Me Because I'm Your Favorite Captain Ever?'

'You're the only Captain I've ever had.'

'Your Favorite Captain who's going to make absolutely sure no one makes you do any planning whatsoever for the Halloween party this year?'

Janice glares. 'That's so unfair, Kirk. You're using my hatred of holiday planning against me.'

'I was already planning on keeping you from it anyway,' he says, finally looking serious. 'And I know this whole jacket thing isn't your job, but I really could use your help.'

'Show me what you need,' she gives in, with a sigh. 'But I'm not prioritizing it.'

In spite of this protest, once Kirk shows her the pictures of who he wants Bones to be, she somehow can't bring herself to categorize it under Things I Can Entrust to the Minions I Don't Have on her task list.


Janice has the jacket she finds and Kirk approves sent to Starbase III.

They're scheduled for a stop there in late August, which is good, because by the time they make the stop, she's pretty sure that Kirk would have died of anticipation if he'd been forced to wait much longer. As it is, he practically makes her sign a sworn statement that she'll go pick up the jacket as soon as she possibly can, since he can't do it himself immediately upon their arrival. Not that she'd have let him anyway, probably. There is no way she's going to miss the exchange between Captain and Doctor over this jacket, and the fact that she'll have control over it is precisely the kind of advantage she wants in that regard.

Gaila's in the transporter room when she comes back from picking up the parcel , and Janice drags her to the nearest briefing room, where she's supposed to meet the Captain whenever he gets back from fulfilling his diplomatic duties.

'What exactly are you doing?' Gaila asks, as Janice carefully opens the box.

'It's a Halloween costume for Doctor McCoy,' Janice explains. 'But I want to see it before the Captain shows it to him. Actually, I also want to be there when that happens, because the Captain is surprising him with it, and it's probably going to go terribly wrong.'

'Oooh, really?! Is it a dress? He'd look hot in a dress.'

Janice laughs. 'Not quite. It's just a leather jacket.'

'Disappointing,' Gaila says, smirking. 'Not to mention far less objectionable. Why wouldn't he wear a jacket?'

'Just wait,' Janice says.


McCoy doesn't disappoint. 'Dammit Jim! I am not shaving my hair off!' is the first thing he says when he realizes what exactly it is that Kirk's showing him.

'Why would he have to shave his head to wear the jacket?' Gaila whispers to Janice.

'It's part of the costume thing,' she whispers back.

'You wouldn't have to shave it, Bones! Just trim it. A lot.'

'The answer is still no.'

'Aw, but Bones!'

'Don't bother looking at me like that, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a Time Lord!'

Janice dissolves into helpless laughter at this, and McCoy starts to glare at her, but is quickly distracted by Kirk's invasion of his personal space.

'Just think how hot you'd look in a leather jacket,' the Captain practically purrs, and okay, this is a part of the conversation Janice really doesn't need to hear.

Luckily, Gaila's interjection of, 'That is so true,' makes McCoy remember where they are.

He steps back from Kirk quickly, and then takes the opportunity to turn the full force of his glare onto Janice. 'I can't believe he sucked you into this scheme, Rand.'

'I did spend days trying to find the perfect jacket, too,' she provides, cheerily, and his glare darkens.

'This is coercion, pure and simple!'

'You know, what I just realized?' Kirk says, ignoring him. 'Rand would make the perfect Rose.'

'Oh my god,' McCoy groans.

Janice looks between them quizzically. 'I'm assuming that's the blonde in those pictures you showed me?'

'Oh my god, Rand!' McCoy repeats. 'Have you learned nothing? Don't ask him questions about it!'

'Bones, come on! This would be fantastic! I'll be Jack, you be Nine, and Rand can be Rose! It's like destiny.'

'No, it's like an epidemic of geek, and you are the virus.'

Kirk rolls his eyes. 'I really don't understand why you can't appreciate the brilliance of early twenty-first century British SciFi, Bones.' He looks at Janice and Gaila with an expression that Janice assumes means he wants their sympathy or support or something.

'I appreciate it just fine,' McCoy snaps. 'That doesn't mean I'm going to shave my head for the purposes of one stupid holiday, so you don't need a Rose. Martha's way cooler anyway.'

There's silence as Kirk appears to ponder this. 'I don't think you can pull off pinstripes, Bones.'

'Well, damn, now that dream is crushed,' the doctor replies, dryly.

'I'm just saying. I'm an obvious Jack, but I really don't think you'd work as Ten.'

'Again. Dreams. Being crushed.'

'Why don't you just ask Scotty?' Gaila says. 'He loves Doctor Who.'

Everyone turns to her, and Janice and McCoy ask her, simultaneously, 'You've heard of it?' but it's drowned out as Kirk practically leaps toward her. 'Ohmygod, ohmygodyou'veheardofit?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME BEFORE.'

'Well, I've never seen any of it,' Gaila says, edging slightly away from him. 'But there's this group in Engineering that might have some sort of club, or something, I think. I don't know, Scotty talks about it a lot. He's always saying something about wanting to build a blue… box?'

'OH. MY. GOD.' Kirk strides quickly over to the nearest comm. 'Captain to Engineering, come in.'

'Aye, Cap'n?' Scotty's voice comes through, seconds later.

'Scotty, I really hope that if I come down to Engineering, I'm not going to find any evidence that someone's constructing a TARDIS, because I would hate to think that someone started a Doctor Who club on board my ship and didn't have the decency to invite their own Captain.'

'Ehm, aye, Cap'n,' Scotty replies, clearing his throat a bit nervously. 'I mean, nae, Cap'n. I mean, maybe you'd like to come to the meeting we're having next week?'

'Oh, hell yes, I'll be there!' Kirk replies, and Janice hopes he's not still trying to be threatening, because if so, he's failing miserably. Kirk turns back to them, saying, 'I can't believe no one told me! On my own ship!'

Gaila shrugs. 'I just figured it was a Scotty thing, you know?'

'As penance,' McCoy says, tone innocent, 'you should make Engineering be the Torchwood to your Captain Jack.'

'You are brilliant,' Kirk says, grinning at him.

'I really hope this doesn't mean I spent three days looking for vintage black leather jackets for nothing,' Janice says, although she wouldn't actually mind. Much.

McCoy groans. Kirk looks triumphant.

'I'm not cutting my hair,' the doctor says.

'Okay!' Kirk agrees.

'And she has to have Rose-hair. Roots & all.'

'Hey!' Janice cuts in.

'That's why you shouldn't scheme,' McCoy says, piously.

'Fine,' Janice says, sighing and giving in, at least for the time being. There'd be time to win her point later.

The Captain just grins. 'This is going to be the best Halloween ever!'


And it was. (At least until the tin dog that Scotty had built somehow managed to get into one of the Jefferies tubes and wreak havoc by reversing the polarity of the neutron flow. Or something. It's kind of one of those things no one ever talks about again. Ever.)


cross-posted to [livejournal.com profile] st_reboot
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